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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25009171">you tell me you love  ̶h̶e̶r̶  him, and i give you a grin</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/enbyamaguchi/pseuds/enbyamaguchi'>enbyamaguchi</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Haikyuu!!</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Fluff and Angst, M/M, My First Work in This Fandom, Soft Tsukishima Kei, Song fic, Unrequited Crush, Unrequited Love, but i didnt think it would turn out like. this, i've been wanting to write a tsukkiyama fic based on this song for like weeks, im really bad at tagging um, this is what pulled me out of my writer's block..., umm so.</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 05:27:48</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,358</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25009171</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/enbyamaguchi/pseuds/enbyamaguchi</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>tsukishima and yamaguchi hang out for the first time during summer vacation. yamaguchi has plans, but... the night doesn't go like he hoped it would. // based on strawberry blond by mitski!</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Kuroo Tetsurou/Tsukishima Kei, Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>76</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>you tell me you love  ̶h̶e̶r̶  him, and i give you a grin</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>hi! this is my first tsukkiyama fic and my first haikyuu fic overall, so i'm sorry if something is written a little strangely or out of character, i kind of wrote this on a whim and then didn't proofread because i. never proofread. anyways as mentioned in the summary this is based around the song strawberry blond by mitski! if you haven't listened to it before i urge you to!! it's such a great song, it's one of my favourites!!<br/>happy reading &lt;3</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>he couldn’t explain how, but yamaguchi knew this night was going to be big. it was the first opportunity he and tsukki had to hang out all summer (actually, it was almost fall, if the slight chill in the air was anything to go by), and yamaguchi knew it was going to be important. it felt like all of the stars had aligned, all the metaphorical gears in the giant machine that is the universe had turned so that tonight could happen. </p><p>what was tonight? </p><p>well, it was the night on which yamaguchi was planning to (finally) confess his feelings to tsukki after about four long years of pining and letting those feelings evolve, letting them grow stronger. and who knows? maybe tsukki would confess to him! </p><p>yamaguchi felt like, in a way, the two of them were meant to be - he was completely aware of how cheesy that sounded, and if he ever told tsukki he felt that way he’d definitely be made fun of by the taller boy, but in that lighthearted way that tsukki only used to make fun of <em> him. </em> </p><p> </p><p>so, yeah, maybe his palms grew a little clammy when his friend came into view at the bottom of the hill they were going to be hanging out on (the hill he was going to confess on), and yeah, maybe his heart started to beat a little bit (just a <em> little </em> bit) faster, but could anyone blame him? he was a kid in—</p><p> </p><p>he was a kid who had had feelings for his best friend for what felt like forever, and he was about to tell said best friend about said feelings.</p><p> </p><p>"tsukki!" yamaguchi called, waving at the blond, who gave a small smile (he smiled!! tsukki smiled) and a quick wave in return as he made his way up the hill.</p><p> </p><p><em> okay, okay, </em> yamaguchi told himself, taking a deep breath, <em> this is nothing the two of you haven't done before - you hang out here a lot! tonight is only going to be </em> slightly <em> different because you're telling your best friend who you've liked for four years that you've liked him for— wow, this isn't helping me out at all. </em> he sighed, and thought of how if the voice in his head was more like hinata, he'd probably be a lot better at psyching himself up in a way that <em> didn't </em>end up with him being even more of a nervous wreck than he was before.</p><p> </p><p>and suddenly, tsukki was right there in front of him, hands shoved in the pocket of his hoodie as he gave yamaguchi a little nod and greeted him with a, "hey."</p><p> </p><p>yamaguchi looked up at him with a grin. "hi, tsukki. long time no see, huh?"</p><p> </p><p>and he wasn't sure if he'd imagined it, but yamaguchi swore he saw tsukki bunch up the fabric of his hoodie pocket from where his hands were inside of it for a fraction of a second. it must have been his imagination or the lack of lighting or something, because tsukki never did things like that (like, ever).</p><p>"yeah," tsukki finally responded after a beat (although it felt like a million beats) of silence. "i know we usually see each other more than this during the summer, so i'm sorry this is the first time we're hanging out all vacation long."</p><p> </p><p>"it isn't like you to apologise for something as trivial as this," yamaguchi said in a warm tone of voice. then he noticed tsukki hadn't even looked him in the eye since he'd gotten to the top of the hill, and he got worried. </p><p>"it's not like you to not look at me when you talk to me, either." he frowned. "is everything okay?"</p><p> </p><p>his last comment seemed to get tsukki to make eye contact with him, and yamaguchi thought he saw hesitation and- guilt? regret? that <em> definitely </em> wasn't like tsukki. </p><p> </p><p>"kei?" yamaguchi asked softly, and tsukki's eyes fell to the ground again, likely because of yamaguchi's uncharacteristic use of his friend's first name; yamaguchi's worry only grew.</p><p> </p><p>"i just… i thought. i owed you an apology. i don't know, it's stupid, i guess," tsukki scoffed, and yamaguchi let out a puff of air in relief. at least tsukki was starting to act a little bit like himself. </p><p>"i haven't been able to hang out because, well, i've been… busy," he continued. and this time yamaguchi <em> definitely </em> saw him scrunch up the lavender coloured fabric of his hoodie pocket in his fists.</p><p> </p><p>"okay?" yamaguchi replied, but it came out more like a question, which he guessed was fitting considering his current confusion. "that's totally fine, tsukki, i get it. but what are you acting so <em> nervous </em> about? is it whatever was keeping you busy? because i don't mind! it was probably important, so really! it's totally fine."</p><p> </p><p>"it's. it isn't an <em> it </em>," tsukki said, and he spoke so quietly yamaguchi almost didn't hear him.</p><p> </p><p>"what? what do you mean?"</p><p> </p><p>"<em> it's </em> a <em> he, </em>" tsukki spoke quickly, a startling contrast to the way he'd been speaking so hesitantly, so slowly before. "i'm- i have a boyfriend, yamaguchi."</p><p> </p><p>oh.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> oh. </em>
</p><p><br/>suddenly the bluish-white light offered by the moon and the dim glow of the nearby streetlamps seemed to disappear, covering the world - or at least, yamaguchi's world - in nothing but darkness. at least it wasn't crumbling, but it felt equally as suffocating and terrifying and <em> painful, </em> and all of a sudden he felt so childish and foolish and <em> stupid </em> ( <em> stupid, stupid, stupid), </em> because how could he not have thought that this might happen? how could he have failed to consider that tsukki might not feel the same way, or that he might even have feelings for someone <em> else </em> ? how could he have failed to think that tsukki might have even <em> acted </em> on those feelings that he had for someone else? </p><p> </p><p>he smiled (it hurt). <em> i want to cry, but i can't. </em></p><p> "tsukki, that's…"</p><p> </p><p><em> heartbreaking. earth shattering. so unbearably </em> painful, <em> what am i supposed to do?! </em></p><p> </p><p>"...incredible! i'm really happy for you! but… who is it?! and why didn't you tell me sooner?"</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> why didn't you tell me sooner? it would have eased the pain. at least i think it would have.  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>"i was… scared? of what you'd think, i guess," tsukki admitted, bringing one of his hands out from his pocket to rub at the back of his neck. that was a nervous tick he'd picked up from yamaguchi. before, it was endearing. adorable. <em> one of the many things that caused his feelings to grow. </em></p><p> </p><p>now, it just hurt.</p><p> </p><p>"oh, and it's kuroo."</p><p> </p><p>it was someone he knew. tsukki was dating someone yamaguchi <em> knew. </em>as if the pain couldn't get any worse.</p><p> </p><p>he gasped over-dramatically, "<em> you? </em> scared of what <em> i </em> think? seriously, who <em> are </em>you? what have you done with tsukki?!"</p><p> </p><p>tsukki brought his hand down from his neck to slap yamaguchi's shoulder lightly. "you're my best friend, yamaguchi!" <em> that's all i'll ever be. </em>"i was nervous you wouldn't approve, or something. i don't usually care about people's opinions on anything i do, but… i care about yours."</p><p> </p><p>yamaguchi laughed, "i'm touched. and, if it'll help get you out of this weird, nervous state - because really, dude, it's freaking me out - i approve completely. kuroo seems to, um, care about you a lot and if he makes you happy, then. i'm happy."</p><p> </p><p>he saw the tension that'd been building up in tsukki's body leave, and at least that was something to feel good about, even if the feeling would only last temporarily.</p><p> </p><p>"but," yamaguchi added, "if he hurts you, i'll kick his ass all the way to space."</p><p><br/>tsukki chuckled, and commented on how yamaguchi <em>must </em>care about him a lot if he was willing to threaten violence upon someone for him (<em>if only he knew</em>), and they spent the rest of their time together talking, yamaguchi hoping desperately for the pain to go away at some point during the night.</p><p> </p><p>but it didn't. </p><p> </p><p>
  <em> "all i ever wanted was a life in your shape </em>
</p><p>
  <em> so i follow the white lines, </em>
</p><p>
  <em> follow the white lines </em>
</p><p>
  <em> keep my eyes on the road </em>
</p><p>
  <em> as i ache" </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b> <em>fin.</em> </b>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>hello! if you read through the whole thing, thank you thank you thank you!! i would love love love if you'd leave kudos and comments (comments are literally, like, my life source) if you liked it! anything is appreciated, truly! have a wonderful rest of your day!<br/>-anya &lt;3<br/>P.S. please feel free to follow me and/or talk to me about hq on my twitter, @/enbyamaguchi!! much love!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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